Empty crystal spheres peering into a world
that tramples above the ocean she drowns in.
Legs of giants swinging purposefully around her
in a whirl of movement she does not belong to.
Anchored to the cracks in the pavement
and her shopping cart of treasure once buried.
Instead of swimming to the surface
her words sink below the subway lines.
A fish out of water but not yet on land
the streets are a house without being a home.
As if every Starbucks cup is a dagger
because her’s is used for collecting change.
As the humans walk by and pretend not to see
because God forbid their consciences should soil.
While she knows they can’t give her all she needs
she needs them all to give.
Though she’s swimming upstream
against a tide of slacks and heels.
She’ll always have the fins that make her a fish
albeit in an ocean too salty.
And only because the guilt was too much
and those empty crystal spheres seemed more to me
like an oracle’s crystal ball
did I give her my bottle of water.
When she looked up and said “thank you”
I finally realized that her crystal spheres were the clearest I have ever seen.
Glistening to the other end of the ocean.
This is a beautiful poem that carries out an extended metaphor well until the end of the poem. The message is clear and the poem is imagistic in its narrative. I like the transformation of everyday things into larger meanings like the wave of heels and slacks, words sinking below subway lines, and Starbucks cups as daggers.
ReplyDeleteI think the first stanza could use more of the NYC imagery employed in the rest of the poem to ground the poem more in reality from the start. Overall great job!
This poem is conceptually impressive. I love the compassion in this poem, and I love the subtle political activism of the poem as well. The poem also feels the right length--it is fully developed. The poem needs some clarity in places, and I will give more specifics along these lines in class tomorrow. This poem does not really want to be elusive but rather forthright and powerful. It needs this to evince full compassion for the subject.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to say about this poem, but since we will be discussing it in class, I will leave it at that for now.
I think that the poem flows and there are many uses for metaphors. I could also tell that the entire poem is a metaphor. Throughout the whole poem though, I was confused as to what the metaphors are referring to. I did like the line “the streets a house without being a home.” This was the first line that I could tell that maybe this poem is about a homeless person living on the streets. I think you did a good job of showing not telling and readers can form a picture in their minds.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the flip flop between an ocean picture and the scene of a subway station. The line about slacks and heels depicts the new york city rush very well. I understood the crystal spheres to be eyes and i really liked this reference because it alludes to the way people often describe eyes beings blue like the ocean, so it connects back nicely. I also like how you described the city life as being an ocean that is too salty because it alludes to the bitterness and fast pace life in the city where people are in such a hurry that they don't reach out to others in their surroundings. I enjoyed the beat of this poem-it wasn't too intense to the point that i was expecting a intense closing scene but i definitely had the feeling that something significant was taking place and that the speaker was painting a picture of a meaningful experience. Really great job!
ReplyDeleteI like that this poem goes from the 3rd person to the 1st person, because at first it seems like a third person, omniscient narrative about the women on the street, but by shifting into the 1st person, the reader understands that this narrative is told by, and ultimately about, the first person narrator more so than about the woman on the street. I really appreciated that the crystal spheres were the woman's eyes and I felt that hers being the clearest was almost like saying that the blind man has more inSIGHT than those who can actually see -- I really liked that twist, where at first she is perceived as being empty, but ultimately she is perhaps fuller than any of us, in terms of her inner world?
ReplyDeleteI like that this poem a lot. It is clear what the controlling metaphor is. The homeless women who is begging for money is compared to the ocean floor. Both two great ideas that are combined into one. The speaker uses a lot of vivid imagery and verbs such as: anchored, spheres, crystals, a Starbucks cup as a dagger. I don't really understand the jump between first person and third person. However, it was a beautiful poem. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the imagery in this poem. Though I was slightly lost in the beginning, as the poem progressed, I really grasped the meaning behind the "Empty crystal spheres." If I were to critic, I would ask for more of a clarification of what's going on in the beginning. Other than that, really good writing!
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