Although "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
I double lock my doors at night
as if the iron bolt will keep the fear from infiltrating my heart.
Granted that "one small step for man is
one giant step for mankind"
I still stride through the college campus looking over my shoulder
because an astronaut suit wouldn't be enough armor to protect me.
Nevertheless, "I have a dream"
that one day this land will be filled with Ruby Bridges of hope
instead of the steel beams of metal detectors.
And yes, "I can hear you, the rest of the world can hear you
and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon".
But the loudest voice is the one that vows to rise from the ashes.
And while you "ask not what your country can do for you
but what you can do for your country",
do you feel United or just the States of America?
I thought this was a really creative use of a collage of images and famous quotes. I liked how the quotes were interspersed with the author's unique commentary and that the author managed to create a narrative/political message. Perhaps this line could use more showing rather than telling: "But the hardest part about being knocked down is trying and trying to get back up." overall great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! I thought that this poem had a very powerful and important message. I liked how you also used the pictures to help strengthen the impact of your words. I liked how the speaker quoted famous american leaders in history and showed us how their “inspiring” words have not done much to help their causes. The only thing I would consider would be to have all the quotes in chronological order. I think this would show the progression (or lack thereof) of our history. Very creative poem!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting poem! I loved how you used different quotes from different people and really brought them together. In the first stanza the speaker did a great job with describing her reaction to fear when the speaker wrote "iron bolt will keep the fear from infiltrating my heart." However in the second to last stanza, the description is a little weak. It would have been great to describe the struggle of getting back up. I also love the last night! Good job!
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ReplyDeleteYes! I loved this poem! Really unique way of patching different speeches together. I also loved the way that you made it your own, providing the voice of the common man against the word of a great leader. The imagery portrayed was very well done, as well. I especially liked the last line, "do you feel United or just the States of America?" Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi! I think this is a really interesting and original idea for a poem, and it was really cool how you took the quotes and applied them in a different way than they were originally intended. I liked the parallel between "ruby bridges" and "steel beams" and the last line really brought the whole poem together! The title was a very effective play on language, although a little bit scary, and it prepared me for the content of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you ran with this idea and added a few more stanzas it would take this already great poem to the next level.
Wow, this is a really unique and creative way to integrate famous quotes, while at the same time having a powerful message! I like how you included your reaction after each quote, making the poem more personal and relatable to your audience.
ReplyDeleteIn the first stanza, maybe don't use the word fear, rather use the show, dont tell.
Because each of these stanzas was so great, I wonder if you continued and used more quotes, would the poem be better.
Good job!
I really enjoyed this poem!!
ReplyDeleteThere were a few aspects that I really loved: first I did love the image that the poem starts off with. Secondly,
I loved the structure and how you used the structure of taking quotes from famous places and even taking famous events and describing them with great descriptive language.
The quote " I still stride through the college campus looking over my shoulder because an astronaut suit wouldn't be enough armor to protect me." This was such a strong statement and I wish in future you can use more phrases like this which is personal, has some historical facts in it and also is descriptive.
This poem was so excellent! The incorporation of the famous lines gives the poem an added dimension and brings it to an even higher level. I got chills from the line "as if the iron bolt will keep the fear from infiltrating my heart"-amazing job on that one!! Really can't think of any criticism!! More please, I love it!
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