I worked all year just to get them to listen.
Fifteen 14 year old girls itching for a weekend.
One idealistic 20 year old.
I memorized their names.
I bought them donuts.
I told them stories.
I dressed cool.
I texted them.
I prepared.
I taught.
Well, I tried.
Friday at 11:30 did suit their attention spans.
I tried to make them think.
To have goals and aspirations.
Self esteem and healthy friendships.
I tried.
I laughed.
I sang.
I played videos.
I pretended I didn’t care when they “went to the bathroom” knowing they would never return.
It was fine to try to find your little brother who must need you now.
And it was even fine to work on something for another teacher.
I tried.
And on the last day when I tried so hard to be serious and make you be serious as well, I made you sit down and write a thank you letter.
There must have been someone, just one person who did something for you over your eight year stint in this supposed educational institution.
Someone who contributed to your blossoming, sponge-like teen minds.
I tried to help you focus.
No, you don’t actually need to give it to them.
Yes, I can be the messenger.
I just want you to reflect.
No, it can’t be to an object.
Yes, it can be to your mom.
Emma:
Thank you for writing to the first-time teacher who tried.
Thanks for posting this poem. Your writing is clear, as is the emotion and situation of this poem. I would like to challenge you to begin to internalize the class lessons so far and "show not tell" the situation. This is almost entirely told. There are a lot of really simple, flat sentences that tell things you did as a teacher. What would happen if you used images to SHOW yourself teaching, so that your readers can see this in their minds? I think it would make for a more lively poem.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher myself, I enjoy the sentiment behind this poem. There are also some nice prose statements here. The challenge now is to find a way to make your writing more poetic. This feels a little bit like "prose with line breaks," like we discussed in class.
Don't worry! It's normal to not have a feel for the difference between poetry and prose right now, but for future poems, please challenge yourself to use descriptive imagery that appeals to the senses and perhaps use more musical language that appeals to the inner ear while reading. These two steps would make for strong progress in your creative writing.
I liked how the list of things your speaker did for her students visually narrows as the lines shrink. I feel that the poem conveys the tedium of trying and failing and trying but holding onto the trying in an attempt not to be dejected by the failure and trying to gain a glimmer of success.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteThe last line of this poem is my favorite. It is sort of a plea to the students to reflect on anything in the past 8 years and to thank someone who contributed, even thought that person did not contribute within the educational setting that the teacher is referring to. It shows the devotion the teacher has to her students, and her unselfishness in not expecting gratitude to be expressed in her direction.
The simplicity of the sentences describing the teacher's efforts were effective, though some lines such as the one describing the students' bathroom breaks was more "tell than show."
Wow I thought this poem was beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI actually had to read it twice to really understand. But I really love how you portrayed many emotions such as the scary times of being a first time teacher and questioning what you should do when you know the tricky ways of a teenage girl and I especially loved the powerful moment at the end where you finally felt appreciated for all your efforts for the first time.
I love the way you incorporated the societal standards of "cool" into your poem in discussing the preparation for teaching. It makes the poem super relatable, especially to a young reader. I also feel that the tone of the poem conveys the boredom of the students while at the same time, and equally well, it covneys the agitation the teacher feels due to their lack of response to her efforts.
ReplyDeleteAs a past counselor, I could definitely relate to the constant struggle of trying to get across to a younger generation and hoping to actually teach them something worthwhile. I think the poem was set up in a very organized format that went along with the narration. For example, in the second stanza, the speaker starts off with a long sentence-"I memorized their names"- and each line gets shorter till the end of the stanza-"Well, I tried." Certain word choices helped make the poem more descriptive: "itching, idealistic, blossoming." Lastly, the last line of the poem was perfect. Apparently, the teacher's efforts did have an impact on someone. Loved it!
ReplyDelete-Abigail Adler
I think that you did a great job in expressing your constant efforts to try to make some sort of connection with these teenage girls, and I definitely felt your feeling of frustration. I especially enjoyed the second to last stanza as I can almost hear the exasperation in your voice as you respond to their tedious question. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your first poem! I can definitely relate because I am a teacher too. I loved how the second stanza got shorter and shorter. It really showed how much effort the speaker put into her first year as a teacher. Throughout the whole poem you could feel the struggle and frustration the speaker has. Then at the end I loved how you ended assuring the readers and even the speaker that it is all worth it!
ReplyDeleteThis poem was great. I am a swim instructor and even though I am not in a classroom setting I related to the struggles the speaker felt. I liked how most of the lines were short and to the point because it related the frustration the speaker had. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting to see the teacher's perspective and it opens my opinion on the difficulties of teaching. I can tell that there is an understanding of both teacher and student, perhaps because the age difference between them was so close. You can see that the teacher had a certain view for how the class would be held and was disappointed by the result.
ReplyDeleteAll these points relate in that the story is told with few words but there is a lot of meaning behind it. Great job!
This poem was very clear and I can definitely relate to the struggle that you wrote about. I especially liked the last stanza which portrayed the teacher's desperation for the students to write the letter to anyone specific, just to express their gratitude. The recurring use of "I" to begin the lines demonstrated the one-sidedness of the intention to achieve the teacher's goal.
ReplyDeleteEven though there were not many images in your poem, the message was exceptionally clear and I assume most people who have ever been in a leadership position can appreciate the teacher's aspirations and efforts!
Hi! The frustration of the speakers experience was very clearly portrayed in your poem. The list format of many of the lines enhanced this emotion even more! One line that I think could be changed is "I dressed cool." I like the inclusion of cool as part of the student language but something about the line sounds wrong- maybe just grammatically?
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