In first grade I learned about magnetic forces
that pull from the ends of the earth in an epic tug of war
so that no matter where you are
opposite poles attract.
In fourth grade I learned about family;
how two people come together and plant a seed in the roots of time
to create a unit of shoots sprouting Heavenward.
to create a unit of shoots sprouting Heavenward.
In eighth grade I learned about friendship;
the kind that pulls you to the right side of the playground
where braces glisten like jewels
and the most secretive of clubs are formed through the handshakes of a lifetime.
In eleventh grade I learned about God
whose master plan gets implemented
no matter what side of the bed I wake up on.
In college I learned about love
the kind that wrenches your heart out from under your skin
until best friends become lovers
and then best friends all over again.
And now I'm learning about you.
Our magnetic force that has created a family
of best friends
whose playground is the word of God.
This is another strong poem in your development as an artist in this class. What I am coming to value most about your poems is their sense of definite purpose and their trustworthiness. Your voice in these poems radiates honesty and understanding. It is a compassionate voice, a little wiser than it knows, and one with a moral purpose.
ReplyDeleteThe poem uses a refrain to create a meaningful sequence of learning related to different life stages. It has both bitter and sweet moments and ends on a triumphant note of love, friendship, and faith.
Here are some parts I like a lot: "how two people come together and plant a seed in the roots of time" This is great. It has an epic visionary feel. I wonder if it wouldn't be stronger without the next line. I like the idea of leaving it more mysterious.
"In eleventh grade I learned about God
whose master plan gets implemented
no matter what side of the bed I wake up on." This section uses humor to reveal the spiritual progress of the speaker. It is tightly written and conveys a lot in a little space.
I also like the powerful last stanza and the marvelous last line. This line sounds almost like Blake or something. It is powerful and lofty in its execution. Great job on that!
Looking forward to reading more.
I really liked the flow of this poem. It made me really think about all of the things I have learned throughout my years in school and how much significance they have now. I am little confused though about what the message of the poem might be. Overall very pleasant to read!
ReplyDeleteI think this is a beautiful poem! You did a great job with your organization and the best part to me was how you ended it by actually bringing everything together which I was hoping you would do. I loved the way you incorporated visual ideas into your poem and would love to see more of that such as:
ReplyDeletewhere braces glisten like jewels, how two people come together and plant a seed in the roots of time. Or maybe play around with the words a little.
Awesome job!
I think this is a beautiful poem! You did a great job with your organization and the best part to me was how you ended it by actually bringing everything together which I was hoping you would do. I loved the way you incorporated visual ideas into your poem and would love to see more of that such as:
ReplyDeletewhere braces glisten like jewels, how two people come together and plant a seed in the roots of time. Or maybe play around with the words a little.
Awesome job!
Wow, this is a lovely poem! I love the way it goes through time and shifts arounf between the kind of learning you do in a classroom to the kind of learning in life. I think it ould be better if you adjusted your line breaks a little so that lines are a more consistent length, because some stanzas have much longer lines and some have much shorter one and it looks a bit off visually, unless there's a thematic reason for this, which there doesn't appear to be
ReplyDelete