These glasses are the fixture of my face
I can take them off as a please
Your lenses seem to be stuck in their place
While I removed mine with ease
I can take them off as a please
And change my perspective on life
While I removed mine with ease
Your limited views only cause strife
And change my perspective on life
As I try to reframe my mindset
Your limited views only cause strife
You will lose out on a vaster view yet
As I try reframe my mindset
Your lenses seem to be stuck in their place
You will lose out on a vaster view yet
These glasses are the fixture of my face
The idea of a poem focused on a normal object in life can be really effective. At their best, such poems show us things about little things that we take for granted, and these poems can imbue and almost magical feel to the ordinary.
ReplyDeleteSo I liked seeing this poem, and I do think it has potential. I guess this version feels dashed off a bit--a bit hurried to me. It's pretty short, and I don't feel the speaker here reaching for a very imaginative perspective on the glasses. There are hints of this, though. For example, the idea of the glasses a fixture on the speaker's face could be developed into some lines about how glasses change the way we perceive those who where them.
I do like the image you included and how it clarifies the idea here. Glasses a definition of life, a metaphor for perception and focus. I also like how you used the verb "reframe" so that it has a double meaning with both the metaphor and the frames of glasses.
Maybe spend some more time with this and add to it and let your imagination run a little more with it?
This was such an interesting topic. It really made me think about my own glasses that I wear. It was unique how you took such an inanimate object and somewhat brought it to life. My suggestion would be to be careful in taking out too much clutter words because in some places it seems to affect the meaning.
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting to phrase the ability to see clearly in a literal sense that both contact lenses and glasses provide as being limiting and not letting a person see as clearly. As someone who wears contact lenses, however, I had trouble trusting the speaker, because of the insistence that one cannot remove contact lenses and that they permanently change a person's vision. Yes, they're more inconvinect to remove and they aren't removed as easily or frequently as glasses, but the insistence that they are permanent does not ring true. Perhaps alter some of your lines to imply not that they are permanent, but that they are more fixed than glasses and more inconvenient to remove -- doing this may have metaphoric value as well, implying that some people are stuck in their ways when it comes to worldview and don't look with fresh eyes, but they have the potential to.
ReplyDeleteThe poem was short and succinct, but told me a lot as a reader. Glasses as a metaphor for different perspectives is so unique. I also think including the picture definitely added to the blog visually. I also think the rhymes are natural rather than forced, and the rhythm as a whole is great. Even though I love the rhyming scheme of "life" and "strife", maybe use words that are less abstract here? Also, do you mean to write "as I please" instead of "as a please?" I think you could really develop this poem more effectively if you lengthened it a little bit. Love the concept!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really clever poem. It makes such a mundane and sometimes unnoticed object (sometimes I can't remember if people where glasses or not because I just don't notice them anymore) become so much more meaningful-you depict them in a figurative way but still maintain its literal usage of clarifying things for the one who is seeing through the glasses. The idea and message of the poem is great but I would love to see more sophisticated words ending of each line-it's probably a harder task in terms of the rhyming but I think it will take the poem to a higher level. Great job!
ReplyDelete