That word.
plastered on billboards, brochures and commercials
now belongs to her
And because swallowing the news was harder than ingesting a horse-pill
I took the elevator up six flights to place where she began
Where cries are welcomed and milk is gold
Where no lottery ticket is more valuable than these bundles of joy
Where humans become parents
And pain is forgotten as quickly as lightening strikes
I peered into the room where the gems are kept
and pictured my own
Rolling down the slide
in her big girl boots and knotty hair
Here, nurses are angels who wipe your brow
and place a halo on your diamond
But just six floors under they may as well be the devil
who will soon inject poison into her body
I pray she will end up here one day
In a different kind of pain than she is in now
Great job on the performance! I liked how the speaker was off center and spoke with a calm and collected voice. The simile of the news being harder to swallow than a horse-pill was fantastic. I also like how the speaker compares nurses to angels and then the devil. However, I don't know what word the speaker is talking about in the first line. Is it baby? Also, I don't understand the injecting poison? Do you mean vaccinations? If it is, why is that bad?
ReplyDeleteGreat job on the performance! I liked how the speaker was off center and spoke with a calm and collected voice. The simile of the news being harder to swallow than a horse-pill was fantastic. I also like how the speaker compares nurses to angels and then the devil. However, I don't know what word the speaker is talking about in the first line. Is it baby? Also, I don't understand the injecting poison? Do you mean vaccinations? If it is, why is that bad?
ReplyDeleteI liked how there is kind of a somber feel to the performance of the poem. I was following along with the words as the speaker was performing and I noticed that some of the words were slightly different. Was this intentional? Im also I’m also unsure of what this poem is really about. there are a lot of good descriptive language that helps the reader connect with the speaker.
ReplyDeleteI thought this poem did a great job at the persona poem in a way we haven't seen yet. I like how we know this is about cancer without the author saying it and that the last line alludes to pregnancy without saying it. Maybe give more description of the little girl and the speaker.
ReplyDeleteWOW! This poem is gorgeous. I love using hospital floors to explain the idea of life starting and life potentially ending and contrasting the nurses as devils or angels depending on what floor they work on and contrasting different kinds of pain. I don't think that the last two lines need to be in two different stanzas, I think they can be combined into one and I don't think the word "than she is in now" are necessary, I think it would be stronger it the poem ended with just "in a different kind of pain"
ReplyDeleteHi! This poem really effectively speaks from the point of view of a mother with a sick child. I like how you used the different hospital floors as both a way for the mother to cope with her daughter's pain and a representation of good times in the past and a plea for health in the future. I also liked how you used "bundles of joy", a cliche, in an original and purposeful way. The imagery of the babies as precious gems is interesting and thought-provoking, but I think that a different metaphor might work even better as gems do not really give a feeling of vulnerability that is present throughout the rest of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this was on purpose, but you being at the side, as opposed to the center of the video somehow makes the reading really effective. Your tone of voice and the pace at which you read the poem really conveyed the feel of the poem very nicely. It did take me a while to understand what was going on but I think I understood after I listened again. I would maybe veer away from the diamonds and gems because the poem is so somber. i understand why you'd use it to describe the baby, and its effective for that but i don't think its so effective in the larger context of the poem's feel.
ReplyDeleteI thought this poem did a beautiful job of "showing, not telling". The title really helps the reader understand what the poem is about without being too overt. I think the subtlety works well here, because it allows the poem to convey emotion without being overly sentimental or melodramatic. The contrast between life and death is a tricky topic, but you managed to approach it well. Great word choices and descriptions, and you read it very well! Maybe just try to streamline the poem a little more and take out unnecessary clutter words. Great job!
ReplyDelete